Evidence of achieving my writing goals

My writing goals are to use a range of language features in my writing such as personification, and alliteration etc.

This shows that I used personification to describe Hotumauea shivering.

To use apostrophes accurately.

This shows that I know where apostrophes go. Because a letter is missing or to show that someone owns it.


My final goal is to edit my own writing looking for ways to improve it further.

100WC changes to our golf tournament story

Thanks to the teachers who have commented. We were able to improve our writing using your comments. Check out our new improved version.

It was the day of the golf tournament. I shot through the door as fast as lightning. Mum asked why I was in such a hurry. I looked back but didn’t say a thing. I reached the golf factory and dashed through the design room.

That’s when it all happened...

 I twisted the door handle to the production room. Creeeaak! My ears were hit by a horrible sizzling noise. Next thing I heard … was the ping pong of all the golf balls flying across the room! One hit a shiny red button. But instead of stopping, the chaos still went on.

 

Can you please leave a comment about what you liked about our changes. Our changes are in red.

My 100WC shows that I am editing my work using the feedback I get from my readers.